Authentic Self Help

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by fear - so much so that it prevented you from doing something you wanted to do?  Believe it or not, this is a common problem faced by many people daily.

Fear has the power to hold you back from taking risks, following your dreams, or becoming successful at anything you attempt to do.  If you allow it to control you for long enough, it can eventually erode your quality of life and keep you locked in a prison of inactivity.

What many people fail to realize is that fear is nothing more than a conditioned response.  It's a natural reaction to a frightening or unfamiliar situation.  While it is usually automatic, there are things you can do to overcome it.


1)  Check your expectations.

One major contributor of fear is the prevalence of negative expectations.  Do you usually find yourself expecting the worst in every situation?  Do you worry obsessively about what could go wrong, rather than focusing on your strengths and capabilities?

If you make a conscious effort to expect the best, see the positive side of each situation and keep reminding yourself that you can handle more than you often think, you'll find yourself with much less fear to deal with.  Even if feelings of fear do manage to creep into your consciousness, you'll still be able to keep them in perspective and balance them against an underlying sense of confidence.


2)  Discredit your fears.

Experts will tell you that the majority of things you fear will never come to pass anyway.  While this may be true, it sure doesn't feel that way when fear has a chokehold on you!  However, if you look a little more closely at your fears when they arise, you may be able to dismiss at least a few.

For example, if you have a fear of public speaking and your boss wants you to give a presentation at work, you might feel like your life (and perhaps your livelihood) is on the line.  You may fear getting fired, or worry that your colleagues will lose respect for you if you don't do a good job.

But is any of this likely to happen?  In most cases, no.  Rather than worrying about what "might" happen if you don't give a solid presentation, you might brainstorm ways to help improve your performance, such as being well prepared, practicing your delivery on friends and family members, writing notes to yourself and so on.


3)  Do the very thing you fear.

When you remember that fear is simply a feeling, it loses much of its power.  It can't harm you and except in truly threatening situations you can choose to ignore it and move forward anyway.  

If you weigh the pros and cons in any situation, you may decide that the possibility of negative consequences is minimal so there's nothing to stop you from ignoring your fear and going for it!  This will be determined by you on a case by case basis, of course.  The point isn't to become reckless with your decision-making but rather to empower yourself to know when a fear is groundless and easily overcome.

Most fears are not real, but are perceived and are driven by our beliefs and resulting emotions. Do yourself a favor and challenge your thinking. Don't assume your emotions have analyzed all the facts and have come up with a rational conclusion. Assume that your emotions have no intelligence of their own and that they are reacting to something they "perceive" as threatening and not something necessarily based on reality.

Don't underestimate your ability to press through your fears. Take one small step in the direction of freedom and then another and another. Be proactive and determined to uncover the truth of the matter and avoid buying into some assumed, perceived reaction based on your erroneous beliefs and emotions.

 

There was once a man and his son going with their Donkey to the market. As they were walking along by its side a neighbor man passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride on?"

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men and one of them said: "See that lazy kid, he lets his father walk while he rides."

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy father to let his poor little son trudge along while he rides."

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up with him on the Donkey. By this time they had come into town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: "Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor little Donkey with you and your hulking son?"

The man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the Donkey's feet to it, and carried the pole and the Donkey on their shoulders. They went along enduring the laughter of all who met them till they came to a bridge, and then the Donkey, got one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge with his feet being tied together, and drowned.

"That will teach you," said an old man who had been following them: "Try to please everyone, and you will please no one."

Abraham Lincoln once wisely said, "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." Oh, how true that is, Abe!

Jesus Christ was the premiere example of the fact that you can't please everybody. You just can't. He was absolutely perfect, but He was disliked by many people who ultimately endorsed his public execution.

He was morally perfect, yet His life showed us that it didn't make Him popular at all. The Bible tells us it is impossible to earn the approval of everyone. In fact, attaining full approval by our fellow humans actually, at times, places us in conflict with pursuing the purpose for our life.

Our focus is not the approval of humans. It is the approval of our Creator that we seek. We actually should be suspicious of somebody who seems to have everyone's approval over somebody who doesn't. What would a person be like who is like that and is pleasing to everybody? It would be someone who agreed with whoever he was with at the moment. A person with no set standards, values or deep personal beliefs.

You can't please everyone. You just can't. Don't waste your time by even trying. Be true to your own personal mission and values. Wouldn't you rather be disliked by some and know what you're about than liked by everybody and stand for nothing?

Have you ever noticed that every challenge also contains a blessing in disguise? If not, you may not have been looking closely enough! It’s true that challenges often seem like inconveniences when they get in the way of something you want. When you’re working toward goals that are important to you, the last thing you want is to face a big challenge or obstacle because it usually means that your desired outcome will be delayed.

However, if you learn to see challenges in a new light, they can easily become the best things that have ever happened to you.

Below you’ll find 5 questions you should ask whenever you find yourself facing challenges:

1) What Can I Learn From This?

Too often we view challenges as annoyances or personal vendettas, when in fact they may hold a great opportunity to learn and grow! If you start by asking what you can learn from each challenge, you’ll suddenly see them as possibilities that pave the way to greater wisdom and self-mastery.

2) How Can This Strengthen Me?

One major reason why challenges intimidate us is because we don’t feel capable of handling them. We have a limited perception of our own abilities, so we automatically believe that the challenge is bigger than we are. However, if you learn to see challenges as an opportunity to become stronger and more empowered, there’s no way they can hold you back!

3) How Can I Use This to My Advantage?

Most often we see challenges as disadvantages – but is that necessarily true? A challenge can often help you see that there are many possible ways to achieve a goal, and the one you’ve chosen may not necessarily be the best one. Asking this question can often open your mind to alternative routes that may be shorter or otherwise better in some way.

4) How Can I Use This to Help Others?

Though we often believe our goals affect only ourselves, more often we have a huge impact on the people around us too. Not only do other people watch what you do and how you live your life – they often model their own behavior after yours! If you refuse to let challenges intimidate you or slow you down, you just might inspire and motivate others to do the same with their own challenges.

5) What Would Make This a Worthwhile Experience?

Sometimes just being willing to recognize that a challenge may not be such a bad thing can be enough to help you realize all kinds of wonderful benefits from it. This question does a couple of things: first, it helps you feel more empowered because it affirms that you have a choice in how you react to the challenge; and secondly it reminds you that every challenge holds the seeds for unlimited blessings and opportunities.  -- Daryl Daughtry